Zane's Humor

Zane's Humor


I see said the blind man to his deaf friend.



Zane's Humour

This is where I will try out my jokes, show my funny videos, and show my funny pictures.

The stuff I put on here may or not be funny. That's where you come in. You can give me feedback on my material.

I have stuff to come but it will take time to get it on here.


August 27, 2010 Friday


Warning to buttkissers

Do not buttkiss right after your target has had Indian food or Mexican food or anything which might cause runs.


Warning to people who pet strange dogs

Do not pet a dog you don't know; it might be a ground hog or a wolf or ......well that it bad enough.


A man is talking to a group of friends while attending a picnic near a lake. He notices a boy in the water and dives in to save the boy.

When he gets to dry land with the boy the host of the picnic asks him to introduce himself and say a few words.

He stands in front of everyone and says, "My name is Bob and I don't really have much to say but I do have a question. I would just like to know who pushed me into the water."


Zane's Humour

Okay here are some topics and my thoughts.

People who don't signal

I hate people who don't signal. I don't mean the people who's signal doesn't work but those people who refuse to signal.

I especially hate people in expensive cars who don't signal. What the car was so expensive they couldn't afford a signal? I don't think being rich means you can change the laws. Besides if I plow into you because you didn't signal I should get to keep your car after you pay for the repairs.

When rich people play tennis with Chaz, Buffy, and Babbs they don't say let's not play for points; we'll just hit the round thing with this deformed stick so poor people can look at us spending our time and money doing something we know nothing about.

Sorry about the fact that you could use some sort of enlargement. I guess having a gold card makes up for the fact that you need help lifting a marshmallow.

Do you pay people to feed you too? Are you too lazy to chew?



Zane's Humour


People who don't stop at STOP signs

Stop signs are not just suggestions; they are for safety. I was at a local mall.....rhymes with Fairview Mali. I was just sitting in my car and I noticed nobody stopping for the STOP sign. There was plenty of traffic. At least 90 per cent of the people either drove right through or just pressed the brakes momentarily like it was a formality.

Many times the cars coming the other way had to screech to a halt so they wouldn't hit the idiots. The other cars had the right of way because they didn't have a stop sign.

How busy is your life that you can't give 2 seconds to a stop sign. Some people even stopped in the middle of the intersection and offered the other cars the right of way. The other cars couldn't go because the idiots were IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSECTION.



Zane's Humour

People Eating in the Library

Okay before I start don't tell me that you're allowed to eat and drink (non-acoholic) in the library. I'm aware of that.

I think the idea is that you can do your homework and keep a drink next to you and maybe some snacks. I have seen people bring full lunches into the library and eat for two hours and have a heavy discussion. You could eat in a mall food court and do that. The weather is nice. Have your lunch outside.

Okay if you must have lunch and not do your work can you at least not disturb people while you do it? Oh and I remember seeing this group of girls......men do it too......These girls were eating and each one was on their cell phone and having a loud conversation. I think we should be able to phone an annoying sound to people like that. Can you imagine the following:

(person on phone while eating gets a call--call waiting)

"Hey Chaz give me a second by call waiting is happening" "Hello?........." the following could be the sound "waaaaaaaaahhhhh" (I suppose a baby crying would do)

Okay more on the morons later.




Zane's Humour


My haircut. Now that's funny.

Remind me never to oil the fan while it's on.

Oh yeah and never spit against the wind.

Don't pee outdoors when it's minus 40 (celcius).

Don't tell any big football player that you are dating his girlfriend.

Don't tease a small person until you're sure they don't have a weapon or a friend that fights with cars and wins.

Okay I need to rest but ask me for more....send $100 dollars to Zane the hack joke writer, hackville, .......oh crap I've got brain freeze. Will someone open the freezer so I can get out.

It's hard to type with frozen fingers.

Come back often.









Zane's Humour

Let me think of more stuff.

Give me topics you want me to try.

I don't have a stage act. Share these jokes with friends but don't use them to make money..........

You can add your comments to my comments. That would be great.

I might want to use some of this material professionally later so enjoy it but don't steal it.

Yeah you're chuckling. Steal what. I may write something funny one day and one person might laugh so there.

I hate to even say these things but who knows.

Hug?.......